Yesterday I was walking around downtown Lisbon, and I came across this famous statue of one of the greatest authors/poets in Portugal. His name is Fernando Pessoa. He used to write at a local coffee shop called “Brasileirinha”. And so, as a tourist attraction, after his passing, they put a statue of him sitting down in his favorite table, writing is scribbles.
You can sit with him at his table and take a photo with him.
So why do I mention Fernando Pessoa today?
He was a person that suffered from multiple personality disorder. I’m not sure but I think he had over 75 different personalities living in him/created by him. Each one with their own life, background, name, history. Some of them were also writers/poets , and he wrote some poems and books under those heteronyms (pseudomyns).
Although multiple personality disorder is not directly related to depression, it made me think how all of us have different parts of our life, where we act and function with different roles. I am Andie, the daughter, the sister, the friend, the wife, the hard worker… And I unfortunately there is also a different side of me which is the depressed…
Much like having a different personality, being depressed, although you are still yourself, you sometimes don’t feel like it.
You are stuck in a different reality, together with your monsters, unable to reach out and be again the happy person you have once been.
I felt like that. One of the things I continuously asked my therapist was “when will I be myself again? I want to go back to laughing, smiling, and enjoying the life I have”.
I was stuck inside myself, looking for an outing, for a ray of light that would bring me out of it… It took its time, and required a lot of patience and understanding from both my loved ones and I…
Eventually I managed to get out of the cave, back into the world!
And this was the best feeling ever! Off course it was something gradual, it still is…
I found this picture online once, and I keep it in my visual board, to remind me everyday that healing is gradual, and there will be good and bad days.
I like to think of myself as recovered from depression. I know it can always come back. But now I am ready for it. I have my happiness habits that I implement everyday to help me avoid it and if necessary cope with it if it comes back.
If you want to learn more about my happiness habits, don’t miss the launch of my book: Depression, Get Out Now!
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