Sorry, lately I’ve been a little bit away from the blog. Between better and worse days, and with the holiday season, family coming over and a high work peak, it’s been a little hectic.
“healing is not linear”
This is one of my mantras. I try to repeat it to myself everyday, as we all have ups and downs.
But lately I’ve been more on the down side. I started a new job in September, and thought it would be amazing. That I would love it, and be great at it. The thing is.. For several reasons that has not been true.
I’m starting to believe I was not made to develop this kind of work. But even the bits and pieces I thought I would be good at it, I seem to not be excelling as I normally do. And as you can figure it out, it’s been consuming me. Additionally, I sort of clash with my line manager, which makes things even worse.
I need to make an effort everyday to go to work. Knowing that at some point I am going to fail at something, or things will not go my way, and I will end up feeling frustrated and crossed. I get anxious just with the thought of going to work. I take anxiety pills to keep myself calm enough to not start crying for a number of reasons.
This is not the way I want to be.
Thankfully I found out at the end of last year that my line manager was going to leave the company, thus giving the possibility of new beginnings. For me, it helped, but the days that she is still working with us are nerve wrecking for me. I’ll just need to be able to push through this last week. But it seems endless.
Also, yesterday I found out that a dear friend of mine has fallen back to depression. And as much as I want to help her, I am not sure how I can do so. When I was depressed I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone…
And in my current state of anxiety, I am not sure I will be any help to anyone…
Hopefully things will get better in the coming weeks.
Anyway, just wanted to stop by, say hello and wish everyone a great 2018! May it be the year when all your wishes to come true!